{Marriage United}

Tonight my sweet husband reminded me of the importance of being united on all fronts, and it got me thinking of how many things I ought to communicate to him before acting on them.  None of them are malicious, but I realize I would be demonstrating respect in doing so, and he could also serve as a sounding board.  He is definitely a wise man, so that obviously wouldn't be such a bad thing.

We've been collecting donations in my department to purchase a gift card as a token of support to my boss and his wife who was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy over the past month or so.  Doesn't sound so terrible right?

As the assistant to my boss, it makes sense that I would run point on this endeavor of collecting money, sending reminders, purchasing the gift card, and delivering to my boss on behalf of our department.  In doing so a coworker is out of town, had wanted to donate but had forgotten to drop $20 off before he went out of town, and asked me to spot him $20 which he would return to me at the Christmas party Friday evening.  Trying to be nice, I said sure no problem.

Sounds pretty harmless right?

Well, while we were out to dinner I told Ryan I needed to pick up the gift card for my boss and his wife on our way home, and to his surprise he asked what for.  Turns out I failed to mention to him the fact that we were collecting money.  Turns out I also failed to mention that we as a couple had donated $20, and that we as a couple were also spotting one of my coworker's $20, which he discovered upon checkout.  Needless to say he was not pleased.

Can you blame him?

Here we are doing our budget as a united couple every two weeks, giving a name to every dollar we make, telling our money where to go, and not only had I not discussed giving to my boss's gift offering in general, I had not discussed the amount I hoped we would give, or the fact that we were spotting a coworker.  #wifefail

Ryan explained to me that while I was wanting to do a good thing, it would have been really nice to know ahead of time and decide as a couple.  When we got home I apologized to Ryan for my round about keeping this from him.  He's 100% right.  How awesome would it have been if I just did this initially?  I would be showing him respect by keeping him in the know and by seeking his opinions and listening.  It's so neat to now clearly see how important it is to be united as a couple on all fronts, especially in our kindness and in our giving.

[Bonus Musing:  I made a point to verbally ask Ryan for forgiveness, and can I just say how refreshing and humbling that is?  I have realized the wonderful thing about asking for forgiveness is that humbling yourself before your spouse is something we so desperately need to do and don't do nearly as often as we ought to... at least I don't.  Embrace the awkward, my friends.  It is worth it!]

Tonight I am thankful for an understanding spouse who is leading me well.  Love you, Ry.


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